Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
