new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
