So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
