...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
