Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
