I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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