threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
