I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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