my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize