Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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