How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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