I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
