If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
