I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
