How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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