I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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