we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
