I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize