You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
this boner is exhausting
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
