epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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