saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
