I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
