Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
