My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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