I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
