Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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