he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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