My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
