I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
