I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
