I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
