The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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