I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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