I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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