I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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