I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
