There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
My ass is underappreciated
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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