i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize