I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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