Cold hands, warm shart.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
