i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
