I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
