that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
