Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Send help, water and tortillas.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
