just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
