I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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