Umm I'm too high to move.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
