my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
