i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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