Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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