Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
