I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
