Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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