she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
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