Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
