shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
