The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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