I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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