i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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