After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Hippo gnu deer
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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