did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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