My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
God, I missed his penis.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
