she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
