i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize