I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
