if i can run in heels then i can drive
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Boobs are out for the taking
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
