where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
